I love black thongs
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
