wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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