What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
