I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
