Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
