my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
