I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am mentally ready for anal.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
