May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
