i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm both gender and math confused
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
