so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
