My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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