Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I will die if light touches me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
