Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
