i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
where am i from again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
