she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
