the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize