Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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