woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
