i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well you can't waste a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
