i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
