If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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