i permit you to call me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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