so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
