she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
