you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
