Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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