If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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