the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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