Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
