so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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