My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
