Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize