Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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