So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
