Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize