im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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