I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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