At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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