I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
