my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
