What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
