In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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