Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
