His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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