Yo dont text me then not text me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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