whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
