its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
