it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
