I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
