Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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