What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
