oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
