too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
