drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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