but the lizard people decide everything anyway
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
