hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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