You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
