well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
