Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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