That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
