What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my poor anus
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
