i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Panties = found
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