for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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