it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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