goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He better not be in your backpack
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
