I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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