OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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