margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
